My Great Failure

So, it's been a while since I've posted anything, mostly because, well, I've had little to say. It's not that things haven't been happening, life continues to move forward with an almost imperceptible tempo, but I just haven't been compelled to commentary, I guess. But that changes here. My father suggested that I continue to write and post something, anything, if only to make an effort to mark my days, and as always, it's good advice. He and my mother just recently moved to the Philippines, half way across the globe on a small island paradise. My mother is ill, and with the mounting medical bills and the ever looming recession creeping into the American economic system, it was the right move. They can stretch their social security money there and afford to have some in home help so my dad didn't have to bear the sole responsibility of my mom's care, which I can only imagine was difficult at best, heartbreaking at worse. There they are, just retired and looking to enjoy the much deserved relaxation they've been working their entire lives for and, boom. A mysterious, debilitating disease hits my mom and my dad has to watch the woman he loves slowly deteriorate in front of him. He's a strong man, and he took the responsibility in a stride that can only come from a deep and abiding faith in knowing what's right and good and decent. He has his flaws, but when I think about what he's going through and the pain and stress he has to carry everyday, it breaks my heart. I'm proud of my dad. He's the type of man I hope to become someday, but with what's happening, I can't help but note the stark differences. I didn't call much while they were still in the states. I didn't visit as often as I could have. I couldn't. While he sees her everyday and compares his 36 years of marriage behind them to the few years ahead of them, I could barely handle hearing her weak and quiet voice on the phone without being overwhelmed. I distanced myself from their suffering knowing I was abandoning them, leaving them to do this without me because it was too much for me. It's terrible. I failed. And I continue to do so.