So I have returned to the world of sensory objects after a 10 day meditation retreat held in the sprawling cornfields of Northern Illinois. 10 days. That's right. 10. Days. For 12 hours a day, not counting meals or breaks, we sat and contemplated the reality of the universe on an experiential level, and neither moved nor spoke, plumbing the depths of our minds in the hopes of alleviating Misery. For those not good at math, that's 120 hours of meditation, and if you think about people who go to some meditation class twice a week for an hour a shot, I just crammed in over a years worth of sitting after having previously *no* experience with anything of this sort. My first thought? What the Hell am I doing.
My buddy R. suggested this. He's also the clever chap that came up with the title of this post. Huge thanks for both. I have to admit, I'm glad I went. When I first got there, they told us 'No touching. Of anyone. At anytime. Ever.' And I immediately looked around myself and thought either a) there have been problems in the past with creepily inappropriate groping or weird handshakes or b) Cult tactic. Then they said 'After registration, there will be no talking. With anyone. About anything.' Noble Silence they called it, and my mind raced straight to b) Cult Tactic. I scanned the room full of people and saw a general pattern of people with looks of strained optimism, the look of a fervent hope that's scarred with the pox marks of previous disappointments. I saw these people, and imagined them all in matching jumpsuits.
Now, to be fair, they weren't all like this. There were a few people in the room wearing looks of quiet skepticism, as I imagined I was, and were probably steeling their minds to the possible onslaught of brain-washing techniques that might be filtering in through a hidden speaker somewhere, or mentally protecting their brain from frequencies oscillating in the florescent lights overhead. Just as I was doing. I've seen the 60 minutes reports. I've read the stories. I began making a list in my head of all the red flags they tell you to look out for: attempts to isolate people from one another, an unquestionable leader in white, suggestions to accept pain or discomfort, ethos lacking individuality or framing individuality as the cause of pain, offers to solve one's personal problems, the trading of pain for purification, etc. Knowing all of this, I prepared myself. You can't hypnotize the unwilling, you can't brain-wash a resistant mind. And anyway, 60 minutes sent in a mole to check out what was going on in those cases and she came out just fine. I figure I can do the same thing. Just look at the whole thing with a scientific perspective and judge it not on the basis of some unquantifiable spiritual philosophy but on solid experimentation and logical conclusions, if such a thing were even possible. I was ready.
